God Sees You👁️

I Will Never Forget, When I was in High School, I was supposed to get the "Free Lunch". Because I was a 'Ward of the State", It was an automatic benefit. There came a time my forms had to be renewed, and my guardian sent me to school with paperwork for the lunch lady to sign & approve.

She would not. So I was sent home with the same forms. This happened twice in a row, until my foster mom went off on me, and decided she wasn't going to be bothered filling them out again.

From what I was told, the forms had missing information that she was not providing.

We had very little food at home on a regular, so there wasn't anything to take for lunch. Some frozen meat, cereal and can goods at best. I went to school hungry almost everyday, for about a week, before anyone noticed. I wasn't given any lunch money either. I got so desperate I tried to take $20 out my foster moms purse one day, which went against everything I believed in. I was just tired of going hungry & being told to just keep going. I got caught trying to take the money & was so embarrassed. I didn't know what to do, so I prayed. I felt like somehow this was my fault.

My major in College was counseling, and ironically enough, it wasn't until I got out of college that I learned about "Reactive Abuse". It's when: Someone who is being abused might eventually reach their breaking point and lash out at their abuser in return. This is known as reactive abuse.

I experienced a lot of that in my personal & professional life. It's a form of: Gaslighting. So often I was mistreated, and instead of being considered as the innocent party, I was convicted as the perpetrator. More often a scapegoat for others who didn't want to be accountable.

All these things considered, God was on my side.

My prayers were answered, in an unexpected way. One day, my friend that happened to be an Upper Classmen, noticed that I didn't have a tray and wasn't eating. I sat by him almost everyday. I looked up to him. I told him they had cut off my free lunch program & no one was giving me money or sending me with food. He didn't say anything. However when lunchtime was close to ending, there were students that open & ran a cafeteria store. It was a convenient station were students could purchase a` la carte items. He went everyday, his mom was a doctor, so they were very well off. On this particular day, he told me to come with him.

When we approached the line in front of the built-in brick store, My friend told me to get whatever I wanted. He told me not to be ashamed, and that he would pay for it. So I did. I remember I had a sweet tooth (still do) so I chose a huge M&M home-made cookie. I was so grateful. I thanked him. I went about my day, with a warm feeling in my chest, a new kind of relief & sense of peace. I wasn't use to that feeling. The next day, I was in for a surprise, my friend met me in the cafeteria, before even getting in line for his food. He told me that I could go to the store with him when they opened. He told me to get whatever I wanted.

He did this for me every day, and never told anyone that I knew. He did this everyday for almost a month, before my paperwork was finally put in order, and the 'free lunch program' was finally reininstated. I was so shocked that someone cared enough about me, to do that for me. He didn't owe me anything, and to be honest he was still a kid himself. However he was raised to be humble, and kind by his mother. He also was the first person to turn me on to the phamplet "Our Daily Bread". This was an inspirational devotional book that came out every month, and could be delivered to your home for free. It was motivational to me, because I have been a believer since as long as I can remember.

Not only did my friend feed me naturally, he fed me spiritually. Something that you can't attach a price to. God saw my situation, and he heard my cry. He sent someone I least expected, to step into my situation. He gave this young man, eyes to see. Like God Sees. So in doing so, He too, 'Saw' me.

My friend's family were natives of Ghana, he himself was born in Virginia. I admired everything about him. From the way he dressed, in the best of the best, to the way he carried himself. He also had this strange habit of washing his hands, multiple times at random, throughout the day. It tickled me, cause we could be dead conversation, and he would stop abruptly, dash from the lockers to the bathroom. Then reappear, just as quick as he left.

They say "Cleanliness is Next To Godliness", that's all I took from that, until I found out his mom was a doctor. I also recall having a strong interest in Law, at that time. I remember wanting to join the "Amnesty International" club. An honorary extension of the program that fights for the rights of prisoners. I ended up getting into an "Honors" Government Class, and around the same time, I got wind that my friends class was visiting a Law Firm. When he found out I wanted to go, he took me to his teacher, and tried to convince her to allow me to attend the field trip. I believe I ended up going.

So many times, I remember feeling like a non factor, because of my environment. Until I realized I wasn't. Someone saw me, they valued me, and recognized the value that God placed in me. This was powerful. Even more powerful, was when my foster mom told me she didn't want me anymore.

I came home from school, to her making a speech about how my brother & I were a burden in her life.

After she finished, I immediately packed my bags & took the bus to my friends job. He was just getting off work. I told him what happened, and he ordered a cab to his house & took me with him.

I remember going to the YMCA with him & a few other upperclassman that night. They wanted to hoop. Or for those who aren't hip; play basketball.

I knew I sucked, and just wanted to sit on the bleachers & not be noticed. Everyone, except my friend, went out on the court to play. I was surprised, because he was a good player. Somehow I had a feeling, he just didn't want me to feel left out. That warm feeling of content & peace started to wash over me again. I didn't feel so alone. After the game, we went to eat, and I ended up staying the night at my friend's house. I never called home. It didn't feel like home anymore.

Early the next morning, we woke. Sun streaming through the windows. Birds chirping, and BET streaming from the tv. This is when I noticed the book on his desk, "Our Daily Bread". He told me what it was, as I flipped through the pages and saw a scripture & a personal testimony from each writer.

For each new day. Then the phone rang. It was my older sister. My friend gave me the phone, and I was told I was in big trouble, cause I never came home the prior night. It was a Saturday, and my friends mom had been working, so she didn't know I was there. I was told they had been calling around tryna find me. I told my friend, and began to gather my things. Sullenly. Before I could blink twice, there was a knock at the front door. It was the police. My foster mom had declared me a runaway & sent them for me. I was escorted home.

When I was dropped off at home, my foster mom lectured me, then proceeded to tell me to get my things. I was to be brought to a shelter for youth.

This is when I was first introduced to "The Bridge For Youth". I was dropped off there like a refugee, and still wasn't clear on what I had done wrong.

I was just a kid, who clearly wasn't wanted. I had become the official "Black Sheep". The crazy part is, when I went to the The Bridge, I didn't feel that way. I was connected with counselors who really seemed to care, and resources that I never knew were there. I met some good friends too. I finally felt "Seen" again. However, this time, I felt "Heard" too.

I serve a God that sits High, but looks low. He has been there for all my Highs & Lows. In Hebrew, there are many names for 'God'. One that truly resonates with me, is "El Roi". Which means, 'The God Who Sees Me'. What life has taught me so far, is that even if no one sees you or your situation, God always does. He will move for you, someway and somehow, when you believe. Sometimes He will even send someone, who Sees, like He sees.